The Oddfellows Grove Productions Blog

The first draft of Immunity

This is the awful, terrible, crappy first draft of Immunity, as you can see it was a mostly different film, same characters, same overarching story line but just bad all over, with shame I share this with you all just so you can see how far this came, I would post the final version but the only difference is the final scene which was only a paragraph long, in fact here is the original ending, this is the scene directly following the last conversation between Virgil and The Boss:

INT. VIRGIL’S HOME-NIGHT

Virgil sits at his table, he looks at the photo of the ultra-sound of his child. He frames it and puts it next to a photo of him and Maggie and turns the lights off.

See? Pretty anticlimactic, but nothing compared to the badness that was the first draft of Immunity, which is this:

FADE IN

EXT. BRIDGE-DAY

JAMES stands nervously on a bridge looking as cars pass by, he grabs onto the fence shaking it to test if it’s sturdy, VIRGIL shows up behind him.

VIRGIL

You wanted to see me?

James turns around.

JAMES

Virgil! 

VIRGIL

What are you doing?

JAMES

Just waiting.

VIRGIL

You weren’t thinking of jumping were you?

JAMES

What? No! I was just admiring the view, I guess.

VIRGIL

Whatever that means, what’s up? Why did you want to meet?

JAMES

(nervously and rapidly)

Well to be honest, I need someone to talk to about all this.

VIRGIL

All what?

JAMES

This job.

VIRGIL

Oh, what about it?

JAMES

I can’t do it, I can’t do it anymore.

VIRGIL

Oh… well that’s unfortunate.

CUT TO:

INT. THE BOSS’ OFFICE-DAY

The BOSS is sitting behind a plain desk with Virgil.

BOSS

Is this the first time he’s shown any signs of doubt?

VIRGIL

No, I mean he did a few days ago but I didn’t think it was much to worry about.

BOSS

(Annoyed)

God Virgil!

VIRGIL

What? A guy looks a little bummed out doesn’t mean he’s going to commit suicide for Christ’s sakes!

BOSS

We’ve been over this, this is an extremely sensitive operation we got going on here, any sign of doubt, or fear, or disgust, anything you need to let me know right away.

VIRGIL

It was nothing though, really.

CUT TO:

INT. WORK VAN-DAY

Virgil and James are riding in the van back from a job, Virgil looks over at James.

VIRGIL

Do I got any blood on my face?

JAMES

Yeah a little right here, by your chin. 

Virgil licks his hand and starts to rub around his chin.

VIRGIL

Is it off?

JAMES

Yeah it’s off.

VIRGIL

Good, I got a date tonight, did I tell you?

JAMES

No, haven’t heard you talk about it.

VIRGIL

Oh, her name’s Dianne, cute blonde chick I met online.

James starts laughing.

VIRGIL (CONT’D)

What? You think a guy like me can’t get a date?

JAMES

Oh no nothing like that, it’s just funny you know?

VIRGIL

Funny how?

JAMES

We just killed someone not twenty minutes ago and now you’re talking about your date.

VIRGIL

So?

JAMES

So? It’s funny man! I mean what are you gonna say when she asks what you do for a living?

VIRGIL

I’ll tell her the truth.

JAMES

That you kill people for money.

VIRGIL

No, that I kill vermin.

JAMES

So these people, they’re vermin?

VIRGIL

What would you call them?

JAMES

Not vermin.

VIRGIL

Well to me that’s what they are.

JAMES

Hmm…

James’ face drops, Virgil notices it.

VIRGIL

You okay man?

JAMES

Yeah I’m fine, just… that was a hell of a kill you know?

VIRGIL

Well you know, sometimes you get a straight kill sometimes you get someone who wants to be held, it is what it is you know? Variety’s the spice of life.

James has his attention somewhere else, ignoring Virgil, Virgil leaves it alone.

CUT BACK.

INT. BOSS’ OFFICE-DAY

VIRGIL

And that was it, just a brief second of disconnect, I thought it was nothing.

BOSS

Well it obviously wasn’t now was it?

VIRGIL

Come on, how was I supposed to see this coming?

BOSS

We deal with the mentally ill on every level of our organization.

VIRGIL

There are only two levels here, you and me, you calling me crazy?

BOSS

I’m calling you reckless. 

VIRGIL

So you’re the crazy one?

BOSS

I’m the one signing your paychecks and covers up your little hobby, maybe I am crazy but I’m only as crazy as my position in all this allows me to be and believe me I got a very small margin of error, okay? You got that?

VIRGIL

Yes, I got that.

BOSS

Okay, so what happened next?

CUT TO:

INT. RESTAURANT-NIGHT

Virgil and James are sitting at a restaurant eating burgers.

JAMES

I’m just kind of worried, you know?

VIRGIL

Yeah I get you but believe me, we run a tight crew, the cops all know who we are and what we do and how to handle our clients-

JAMES

Yeah no, I get that it’s not the law stuff I’m worried about.

VIRGIL

Well then what’s the problem?

JAMES

(nervously, almost whispering)

Virgil… we kill people, for money, I mean, this is blood money.

VIRGIL

That’s the best kind!

JAMES

I’m serious. 

VIRGIL

Me too, do me a favor man, in one word tell me what exactly it is you’re feeling.

JAMES

Guilt.

VIRGIL

Why?

JAMES

Because, I’m not picking who I kill here, I’m letting someone else dictate that, I’m not okay with that.

VIRGIL

What’s the difference?

JAMES

I don’t know these people, before I went to prison I followed people, met them, I was their friend, that was my method, it made my guilt easier to deal with.

VIRGIL

Wait a minute you actually felt bad?

CUT TO:

INT. BOSS’ OFFICE-DAY

VIRGIL

And that’s when I knew, I mean my hands were pretty much tied at that point.

BOSS

I see.

VIRGIL

He felt guilt, how did that happen? I thought you guys had a really strict screening process.

BOSS

Our process relies on the ability to keep a secret perhaps now we will look into emotional response a bit more. 

VIRGIL

I hope. Listen, I liked James, he was a good guy, a good listener, I didn’t want to kill him, but I like my job, you know? I can’t lose it, the money’s one thing but I got a fire in me, and without this job it’ll consume me, so please understand, I did not want to kill him, but it’s protocol.

BOSS

Virgil you’re not in trouble here, or on trial, I just need to know what happened so I can report it to the governor. So please, go on. 

VIRGIL

All right, well

CUT TO:

EXT. RESTAURANT-NIGHT

Virgil and James are walking out of the restaurant.

VIRGIL

Listen, it’s normal, this is a weird line of business to be in but we live in a weird time, just remember, we’re killing the people who leech off the workers or people who want die anyways, okay? We’re doing society a favor here.

JAMES

Well maybe if you let me read the files a bit that might make me feel a bit better. 

VIRGIL

Well that’s do-able, I can do that. 

JAMES

Thanks.

VIRGIL

Still though I’m sorry things haven’t been that smooth for you.

JAMES

It’s fine, it’s just getting used to it, I mean as weird as this job is it’s still a job, we all need time to adjust you know?

VIRGIL

Yeah for sure. 

Virgil keeps looking around the area for witnesses.

JAMES

Hey thanks for listening man, I appreciate it.

VIRGIL

Oh no it’s fine, my pleasure. Still though, it’s a shame.

JAMES

Oh no, like I said it’s just whatever.

VIRGIL

I wasn’t talking about that.

JAMES

Then what were you talking about?

VIRGIL

Well James in this line of work we need our workers to have a strong emotional disconnect from the world, sorry to hear about your guilt.

Virgil slashes James’ throat, Virgil drags James into a close by alley and lays him down on the ground, he looks around one more time to make sure there are no witnesses.

VIRGIL (CONT’D)

(sighs)

Fucking noobs.

Virgil takes out his cell phone and begins walking away.

VIRGIL (CONT’D)

Code HP-1138. Hey how you doing? Oh no, it’s one of our own, in the alley between 4th and 3rd, next to a dumpster, his name is James Tillmore, yes THE James Tillmore, the BFF Killer. 

CUT TO:

INT. BOSS’ OFFICE-DAY

VIRGIL

And that was that. 

BOSS

Hmm I see.

VIRGIL

Yeah, pretty standard. 

BOSS

Yes, like I said no one’s saying you did a bad job, it’s just a shame we had another one die on us, I don’t know how you do it Virgil but you’re the only one who has dealt with all this decently enough.

VIRGIL

Well what can I say? I don’t give a fuck. 

BOSS

You’ve made that all too obvious.

VIRGIL

Glad you enjoy my work. 

BOSS

I’m not sure “enjoy” is the right word for it but it is what it is, right?

VIRGIL

It is what it is, so what’s on the agenda for today?

BOSS

Well, James picked a good time to quit, the town is clear of all the welfare folks so it’s solo jobs from here on out.

VIRGIL

Oh good.

BOSS

Yeah, all we got are the suicidal folk, not too many around thirty are being processed, we only got one ready to go right now. 

The boss hands Virgil a file, Virgil takes it and glances at it.

CUT TO:

INT. LEONARD’S LIVING ROOM-DAY

LEONARD is in his living room writing his suicide note.

BOSS (V.O.)

His name is Leonard Collins, 25, been visiting various pro suicide forums for a few years now, sent to a psych ward a few times when he was a teenager for suicide threats and attempts, nothing too extraordinary. Everything else is in the file.

VIRGIL (V.O.)

What were his wishes?

BOSS (V.O.)

It’s one of those “Will discuss” things, so I don’t know, prepare for something, expect nothing.

VIRGIL (V.O.)

Right, I’ll see you tomorrow Boss.

BOSS (V.O.)

See you tomorrow, Virgil. 

The door bell rings, Leonard gets up to answer it, it’s Virgil.

VIRGIL

Leonard Collins?

LEONARD

You must be from the assistance program, hi nice to meet you.

Leonard and Virgil shake hands.

VIRGIL

Name’s Virgil.

LEONARD

Right, please come in.

Virgil goes into the house.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN-DAY

Virgil is sitting on the table with some paper work, Leonard beings him a glass of water.

LEONARD

Here you go.

VIRGIL

Oh thank you.

LEONARD

Yeah no problem.

VIRGIL

So first off, I know this is a difficult thing to be going through, this whole operation is strange in concept, so if there’s anything I can do to make you feel a little more at ease, don’t hesitate to ask me. 

LEONARD

Okay thank you for telling me.

VIRGIL

Yeah it’s nothing, so do you have any questions for me about this process or anything, from what I’ve read in your file you haven’t made your final request just yet.

LEONARD

I haven’t actually.

VIRGIL

Why is that?

LEONARD

Well I didn’t really know what I wanted at the time.

VIRGIL

Have you decided on your final request since you filed?

LEONARD

Yeah, it’s kind of dumb though.

VIRGIL

Well dumb or not, it’s my duty to hear it and make it happen.

LEONARD

All right.

Leonard slides his suicide note over to Virgil.

VIRGIL

What’s this?

LEONARD

It’s my suicide note.

VIRGIL

Suicide note? You do know our entire purpose here is to make suicides look like murders. 

LEONARD

Yeah, I get that.

VIRGIL

So what am I doing here?

LEONARD

Because I can’t do it, I can’t kill myself, I’ve tried but, I just end up wussing out.

VIRGIL

Why is that?

LEONARD

Hard to say, sometimes it’s just thinking about how my mother would be heart broken, or the fear that no one would go to my funeral, or… anything really, to be honest sometimes I think I just look for excuses.

VIRGIL

I see, well if a suicide is what you want, a suicide you will get.

LEONARD

So when are we going to do this?

VIRGIL

Whenever you’re ready.

LEONARD

Right.

Leonard freezes with a blank look on his face.

VIRGIL

You okay?

LEONARD

Yeah.

VIRGIL

What are you doing?

LEONARD

Getting ready for it.

VIRGIL

I see, well can I ask you how you want to do this? I mean do you want this to be slow and painful or quick and clean?

LEONARD

I want you to drug me.

VIRGIL

Drug you?

LEONARD

Yeah and I want you to read me my suicide letter while I’m dying, if you don’t, I’ll chicken out, I don’t want that, I want to commit to something.

VIRGIL

You got it.

Leonard takes a deep breath. 

LEONARD

Okay, let’s do this.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT

Leonard is dead, he lies on his bed looking peaceful, Virgil still has the suicide note in his hand, he looks over Leonard with envy and remorse.

VIRGIL (V.O.)

(Reading the letter)

Dear friends and family, I love you all.

CUT TO:

EXT. ALLEYWAY-NIGHT

Virgil has hung up his phone, James’ body lies behind him.

VIRGIL (V.O.)

I want you all to know that I am very sorry for the years I spent avoiding you all, but I did this in your best interest.

CUT TO:

INT. VIRGIL’S LIVING ROOM-NIGHT

Virgil arrives home and eats cereal alone watching television.

VIRGIL (V.O.)

I’m not a good person. A good person doesn’t hide away from people who wish to connect to them, a good person doesn’t kill himself and leaves good people holding the emotional bag he could never hold.

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM-DAY

Virgil has a bag over someone’s head.

VIRGIL (V.O.)

A good person doesn’t make people suffer, I’m a bad person, though I’ve often tried not to be. 

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT

Virgil is reading Leonard’s suicide letter to him.

VIRGIL

I cannot tell you how many time I’ve tried to be there for someone, but I have a fire in me, a fire I haven’t been able to put out no matter how hard I’ve tried.

Virgil is now stabbing Leonard’s body to make it look like a murder.

VIRGIL (V.O.) (CONT’D)

This fire has slowly been destroying me for years, I used to be a good person at some point, but that person was burned a long time ago. I lay before you now fully engulfed, my fire is self destructive, but like all fires it’s impossible to control, this is me giving my best effort. 

CUT TO:

EXT. FRONT OF LEONARDS HOUSE-NIGHT

Virgil is walking to his car.

VIRGIL (V.O.) 

I tell you this now because it’s better for you to know that I’m not a person worth mourning. I am the lowest of the low, a parasite who feeds off other peoples sadness patience. 

CUT TO:

INT. WORK VAN-NIGHT

Virgil re-reads the suicide letter.

VIRGIL (V.O.)

I love you all more than you will ever know, and I wish I could have shown you that, but the only thing I know how to express is my own pathetic narcissism, I hope you can forgive me.

Virgil sits completely still, he picks up his cell phone about to make the call but he puts it away, he looks out into the rood with an overwhelming sense of guilt.

CUT TO BLACK.

END.